In a divorce, someone leaves, and someone is left. 

The finality of it all can throw a person into grieving and mourning, even if they want out of the marriage. Knowing the end has come – that it is all over – can leave you feeling unsettled and scared, even empty. 

Losing a spouse by marriage is similar to losing a spouse by death, except in divorce, the spouse chooses to leave, which can be especially hard to deal with, sometimes even harder than death, some experts claim.

According to Oklahoma State University, “Individuals may go through several stages of mourning or grief. The emotional intensity of this period usually reaches a peak within the first six months of separation. However, the grieving process may take as long as two years. Although you are likely to experience all of the grieving stages at some point, they may not occur in the same order for each person.”

Regardless of how the marriage ends, you must find a way to land on your feet. Healing is a process, so take your time. Meanwhile, here are some tips to help you find solid ground again along your journey to recovery. 

Change Your Viewpoint

Some people feel lost at the end of a bad marriage and the resulting divorce. They’re not sure who they are anymore. So, after the divorce, they must re-adjust how they look at things. 

Thankfully, getting a divorce no longer carries the social stigma it once did, usually. 

And remember, just because you’re no longer married doesn’t mean your life is empty, pointless, or that you’re “less-than” in some way, even if people take sides with your ex. 

During this time of self-renewal and rediscovery, spend time with family and friends, try new things, live your life! 

Enjoy your freedom and the excitement of discovering what kind of person you want to be! 

Learn & Grow from Setbacks

Divorce is painful. It’s a horrible, tear-filled experience that can leave you with the loss of things most precious, like daily time with your kids, certain friends, or even a career you worked so hard to build, and it can fill you with doubt and second-guessing. 

When that happens, it’s human nature to blame your ex for your situation and everything that went wrong, but that gets you nowhere. All it does is keep you stuck in pain and suffering. 

As painful and humbling as it will be, you must evaluate the marriage to learn what went wrong in the relationship and the part you played in it coming to an end. 

Why? 

To keep yourself from becoming a victim and ensure you don’t bring those issues into your next relationship. 

When you allow yourself to be a victim, you’re never free; you’re always under the thumb of your oppressor. Blame is toxic. 

Learn and grow to be free. Acknowledge your wrongs; work on yourself and become better; improve your life.  

Swallow your pride, and take responsibility and ownership of your actions to bring your best YOU into your next relationship without any drama or toxicity. 

You can blame your ex, or you can be happy. The choice is yours.

Don’t blame. Do an autopsy of the marriage; lay out the facts. Channel your anger and disappointment into understanding what you want and don’t want in a relationship and what kind of partner you want to be.

Address your insecurities and failings; seek therapy or counseling, especially if you were abused in some way or had the misfortune of being manipulated or oppressed by a narcissist. 

You’ll go from feeling sad, weak, and helpless to feeling peaceful, centered, capable, and empowered.

Give Yourself Credit

As you put the broken pieces of your life back together, try not to fall into the bottomless pit of feeling sorry for yourself and seeking sympathy; avoid being a martyr. And don’t punish yourself emotionally by blaming yourself or beating yourself up. 

Instead, acknowledge what you did right and your positive contributions to the marriage. 

Also, celebrate all your hard work and how far you’ve come since the divorce; be proud of yourself!

Be the kind of friend to yourself that you’d be to one of your best friends who was recovering from divorce; be supportive, affirming, and positive! You’re making progress by taking positive, productive steps forward. Forward is forward, no matter how fast or slow you’re moving.

Give yourself credit for making tough phone calls or learning how to handle something that used to be your partner’s responsibility. 

You’re strong, intelligent, and more than capable. So celebrate every small success in your daily life.

Be Grateful for What You Have

Counting your blessings is one solid way to land on your feet after a divorce. 

Also, find something to be grateful for in your failed marriage to break its hold on you; gratitude disempowers negative emotions.

Instead of gazing longingly at what you’ve “lost,” count your blessings for what you still have and for the people who remain who deeply care for you.

List as many positives as possible to help you appreciate your life. 

And when you start looking back on your marriage with nostalgia and start feeling guilty or feeling sorry for yourself, remember why you agreed to end the relationship – remember those moments when you felt unheard, unloved, ignored, neglected, or abused emotionally by your partner. 

You probably felt lonely and rejected many times and cried yourself to sleep often.

Compare those moments with your life now and the support of your friends and family. 

Even though you might be on your own and want to be married again someday, you now have the freedom to make new friends. You can enjoy new experiences like volunteering, enrolling in a class, or simply becoming a more active community member.

Give yourself credit for putting your life back together piece by piece but stronger and much wiser this time. 

Schedule Things to Look Forward To

You’ll have more free time after a divorce. Don’t spend it all catching up on chores, work, and running errands. 

Set aside time for yourself daily, even if it’s just ten or fifteen minutes, for things you enjoy, like gardening, painting, praying and meditating, or just taking a walk; taking time for yourself lowers stress and anxiety, and brightens your mood and adds happiness to your day.

Other ideas include:

• Joining a book club
• Attend a local art gallery
• Go to a museum
• Host a game night and invite a few friends over
• Enroll in a ministry in your faith community

Conclusion

Divorce is the end of one road and the start of a new one. It’s only natural to feel a bit unsettled and scared. Give yourself some time; it’s different for everyone because no two situations are exactly the same. 

But with time, as you rediscover yourself and rebuild, you’ll start feeling ever more hopeful and excited about your life as you embark on a new adventure of exciting possibilities. Own the process and trust yourself because it gets better, and life will feel warm, safe, and full of promise again.

The post Life After Divorce: Landing On Your Feet appeared first on Lifestyle.

Shyness used to be seen negatively as an unpleasant emotional state related to loneliness or social anxiety, a perspective that is being questioned.

If you consider yourself shy, you’re not alone because about 40 to 60 percent of all adults consider themselves shy, according to a recent survey results report. 

 Regardless of one’s opinion regarding shyness or why they’re shy, here are five ways to be less shy.

Identify the “Thing” That Makes You Feel Shy

Look, chances are you don’t feel shy all the time, only in certain situations. There are social environments and situations where you feel relaxed and comfortable. 

So, to start to feel less shy, identify the “thing” or situation that makes you feel shy. 

Maybe it’s public speaking (which takes a toll on most people’s nerves, by the way), asking someone out, or simply being alone in a crowded or unfamiliar space. 

By identifying what triggers your shyness, you can form a game plan for dealing with such situations when they arise with action steps to push through your shyness. 

Be Informed

Staying informed on current events or certain topics helps boost your confidence in social situations to engage with people conversationally. 

For instance, if you tend to feel shy at parties, watch a trending video or do a little bit of research on a current event. By being well informed about an issue, you can join discussions or start your own.  

Set A Goal – Push Yourself 

You might admire and aspire to be like the person, that social butterfly, who seems to navigate social settings seamlessly and makes friends effortlessly. Who knows, perhaps they were as shy as you once. 

Set a goal to boost your confidence and hone that social skill. A good starting place to consider might be to share a story or piece of information with a group of friends the next time you’re together. Step into the spotlight; take center stage. Lead the conversation. Enjoy the experience a few times. 

Then, once you’re comfortable taking the lead with your friends from time to time, consider sharing valuable information or a report to a group of your colleagues. 

Finally, another goal to consider might be to go to the mall or another safe place and practice smiling and saying hi to five or six strangers. If a conversation ensues, enjoy it! 

Set small goals to push through your feelings of shyness.

Journal Your Successes

Pushing through your feelings of shyness is a big deal! Try to keep track of your successes. Celebrate your wins! Next time you’re feeling a little shy, read your journal to boost your confidence. 

Before long, you will be surprised by how far you’ve come and be inspired to keep pushing forward. Psychologists claim that reading how far you have progressed is a great way to stay motivated and keep trying. 

Be Kind To Yourself And Take It Slow

No one stops feeling shy overnight. Embrace the process and new person you’re becoming. And find ways to reward yourself. 

It’s important to take your time because rushing and “crashing and burning” could be so intimidating and painful that you stop trying. So take your time and be consistent in mastering your social abilities. 

Final Words

Shy people tend to spend a lot of time inside their heads, analyzing every little detail. It’s easy to read into situations and distort experiences, seeing things that weren’t even there. You don’t “think” yourself out of shyness. You “act” your way out of shyness. So, don’t beat yourself up; take as long as you need. With consistency and determination, you’ll eventually overcome any overwhelming feelings of shyness. Who knows…perhaps one day soon you’ll become the social butterfly that others aspire to be!

The post 5 Ways To Stop Feeling So Shy appeared first on Lifestyle.

Most people feel sad, lonely or even depressed from time to time because of life’s challenges and pain from loss and disappointments. But when loneliness becomes overwhelming and lasts for a long period of time, it can take a toll on your physical and emotional health.

If you or someone you know is feeling lonely, here are ten tips that might help.

1. Be Kind to Yourself

If there ever was a time for you to be kind to yourself and practice self-care, it’s during life’s difficult moments. Give yourself the gift of grace and compassion during challenging times. Acknowledge the positive progress you’re making no matter how small.

2. Share Your Life (but without being needy…)

Are you on social media? Or part of a group or faith community? When something nice, good or positive happens share it with them. Or tell a friend. Connect. Share what you’re up to – share your goals, projects or a new hobby. People care. And most will share a word of support and encouragement and celebrate your wins. But you have to take the lead.

3. Connect In Person

Nothing beats face-to-face social connection. Meeting for coffee or a quick lunch can keep feelings of loneliness in check. And you’ll see and know that you are not alone.

4. Be Available

If you’re the type of person who’s always busy and says “no” when people invite you to do things, they’ll stop inviting you. Make time to see your friends.

5. Animal Companionship

Animal companionship is a great way to relieve loneliness because pets are always glad to see you and are a source of unconditional love. Consider getting a pet if you have the time, ability and resources. If not, perhaps someone you know has a pet you can enjoy occasionally.  Animals just have a way of making us feel happy.

6. Be Brave and Say “Hi”

It isn’t easy saying “hi” to someone you don’t know. But interacting with people you don’t know can ease feelings of loneliness.  Be friendly. Smile. Open a door. Give a compliment. Even minimal social interactions are good for your mental health and can ease loneliness.

7. Interact Online

There are thousands of groups online. Find one that mirrors your beliefs, lifestyle, and interests. Participate. Start conversations. Learn about in-person events. Network, and be a part of the community.

8. Podcasts and YouTube

Listening to and watching information on a topic of interest can take your mind off your pain and loneliness, especially if the content is geared towards helping you cope and grow with what you’re going through. You’ll be mentally and emotionally stimulated and feel less lonely.

9. Help Someone – Make a Difference

Few things combat feelings of loneliness than volunteering. Focusing on others is a healthy way to stop focusing on your situation. Making a difference is a great way to feel good about your life and feel less lonely. Plus you’ll make friends and great connections in the process.

10. Shift Your Thoughts

Feeling lonely is tough. It hurts. It’s a horrible feeling. But thinking about it only makes it worse. When you catch yourself thinking about loneliness, remember: being lonely doesn’t mean that people don’t like you or that you don’t have what it takes to be a friend. It won’t be easy but shift your thinking away from the pain to a solution: “I am going to interact with people…I am going to connect socially and be less lonely.” Be positive. Take productive action. You don’t worry or think yourself out of loneliness. You get out of loneliness by taking action.

So, reach out and connect to people you know and don’t know. Be a friend and be friendly. Take a genuine interest in others and make a difference. You can and will beat loneliness. You are NOT alone. You are amazing and always loved.

Photo by Tijs van Leur on Unsplash

The post 10 Ways to Combat Loneliness appeared first on Lifestyle.

Having a serious illness like cancer, heart disease, or ALS can be very lonely, and no one should try to bear it alone. First, it isn’t practical to hide something that serious from friends and family without them noticing that something is troubling you. Second, acting like everything is okay when it’s not, requires energy you need for treatment and recovery.

However, sharing a difficult diagnosis with
loved ones makes it more real, which can be a huge challenge when still coming
to terms with the diagnosis yourself.

Get the Right
Diagnosis 

Misdiagnosis happens, so make sure you get a
second opinion. Until then, keep the news within your inner circle. You might
consider sparing the kids until you get confirmation. 

Tell Your Nearest and
Dearest First

Once you have the right diagnosis, talk to your
closest family members and friends. Leave your neighbors, childhood friends,
and coworkers out of it for now. 

It’s best to do it in person, if possible. If
you’re not feeling up to the task, ask your spouse, sibling, or any other close
family member to share the news on your behalf; follow up personally when
ready. 

Ask them to keep the news confidential, at least
for now. You don’t want to be ‘outed’ in a heartfelt social media post before
you talk to the people outside your inner circle. 

Tell the Kids

The desire to shield your kids from the news is
natural. However, the kids probably already know something is wrong. Decide how
much to tell them depending on their ages and emotional maturity. 

Tell Friends and
Acquaintances

Not everyone deserves to know about your
illness. You don’t need to and probably shouldn’t post about it on social
media. Proceed with caution and use your judgment. 

If you’re not ready for the world to know about
your health condition, only tell friends and acquaintances who’ve proven their
ability to keep secrets in the past.

Tell Your Coworkers

There’s a reason why your coworkers should be
among the last people to learn about your diagnosis. Although you should be
protected under the Americans With Disabilities Act, unethical employers and
coworkers could find a way to make you regret sharing your health condition
with them.

First, do some research. Find out how similar situations were handled in the past, and talk to a lawyer if needed. Second, depending on company policy, talk to your boss or HR department; it’s not good for them to hear it from your coworkers. Lastly, talk to a few trusted coworkers who will support you on this journey. 

Sharing a difficult diagnosis with your loved ones gives them the chance to support you in your treatment and recovery. Use the above guidelines to help decide when, who, and how to share your important health issues.

The post How to Disclose a Difficult Diagnosis to Your Loved Ones appeared first on Lifestyle.

Everyone knows the health risks of obesity, how it leads to a myriad of harmful health conditions, including hypertension, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and worst of all, death.

However, few people know that being lonely and socially isolated is much worse for physical health than being obese or smoking 15 cigarettes a day, an astonishing fact backed by research. Studies show that loneliness and social isolation increases the risk of early death by more than 80%, heart disease by 29%, stroke by 30%, and dementia by 40%.

Almost half of all Americans say that they feel alone and isolated. Although you might assume that this pretty much only affects older people who have limited mobility and fewer opportunities for interaction, It is also affecting young people between the ages of 18 and 37.

What Happens in Your Body When You’re Lonely?

Experts believe that being socially isolated triggers a never-ending fight or flight response in the body, making the body feel like it’s constantly under attack, raising cortisol levels and causing inflammation. Inflammation is a good thing when your body is fighting disease, but too much weakens the immune system and leads to severe illnesses.

With regard to mental health, loneliness causes you to miss out on the mood-boosting benefits of social company. This can lead to depressive symptoms creating a self-reinforcing loop whereby being alone makes you feel depressed, and being depressed makes you want to be alone.

 On a behavioral level, loneliness makes you likelier to engage in unhealthy behaviors like smoking, workaholicism, alcoholism, etc. And since you’re not accountable to anyone, you feel you can do whatever you wish. Unfortunately, doing whatever you want is rarely good for your health.

How to Be Less Lonely

Random acts of kindness

One way to feel less lonely is to lose yourself in the service of others. Volunteer for a good cause or do kind things for the people in your life. Nothing improves a social connection quite like offering to help. 

Quality over quantity

 If you’re surrounded by people but still feel alone, you may want to shift your focus from quantity to quality. One authentic conversation with someone close to you does more for your emotional wellness than lots of small talk with several acquaintances. Similarly, instead of just texting a friend, give them a call or, better still, make plans to meet up for lunch. 

 Professional help

If you suffer from social anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues that make you want to isolate yourself from social situations, seek professional help. A therapist will help you work through your challenges and give you the support you need to reconnect with friends and family.

Social wellness plays a huge role in your physical and emotional health. Therefore, anything that improves your social relationships, including doing random acts of kindness for others, having a long conversation with a close friend, or seeking professional help to deal with social anxiety, is also good for your physical and mental health. 

The post Why Loneliness Is A Greater Health Risk Than Obesity appeared first on Lifestyle.