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Loss, sadness, and grief affect every part of life and can leave you feeling hollow and empty. 

The holiday season can be a severe emotional challenge for people dealing with loss, whether it’s the passing of a loved one, losing a job, or a failed marriage. 

While everyone else feels festive and cheerful, enjoying the sights, sounds, and flavors of the holidays, life feels bleak, grey, and hopeless for someone in the grip of sorrow. 

Ignoring or denying holiday sadness doesn’t make it go away; it might even make it worse. 

Rumi said, “The cure for pain is in the pain.”

As bitter as it is, we must live through our grief. Besides, what’s the alternative?

Brenda Neal writes, “My life was suddenly divided into BEFORE and AFTER, and there was no going back to BEFORE. But then I realized I had a choice to live the AFTER. I had to decide.”

Although it’s the last thing we feel like doing, we must learn how to embrace our grief and journey through its dark and painful valley, so we don’t fall into unhealthy or harmful behaviors and habits to dull our pain.

This short article in no way claims to hold the answers to someone’s sadness and grief, for that would be arrogant, naive, and trite. 

But it hopes to lessen the emotional pain of loss by humbly sharing five tips for taking care of yourself as you cope with holiday sadness. 

We must muster all the courage we can to face the pain, not avoid it, to safeguard our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.  

5 Self-Care Suggestions During Times Of Grief

Avoid Isolation: Enjoy Time With Others

According to experts, one of the best things we can do during times of grief is to surround ourselves with people who are close to us.

Even if you can’t be with them in person, you can video call via Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, a social media app, or Alexa. 

Make technology work for you! You can enjoy a meal or watch a movie together virtually.

You’d be surprised at how comforting it can be to enjoy the company of your loved ones virtually. Although they’re not there in person, you’re still experiencing their presence. 

If you don’t have access to video, why not text or get on the phone and just call regularly?

Lean on them. Let them support you. Vent, laugh, weep, remember, pray. 

And in those moments when you don’t feel like talking, ask them to talk about their day or upcoming plans or goals or something crazy they’d like to do.

Simply connect. 

Interacting with them by listening to the details of their life will calm your mind and soothe your emotions. You’ll feel encouraged, perhaps even a bit more hopeful.

Keep in mind that some people may feel like they need to respect your time of sorrow, loss, or grief, so they won’t bring it up. It isn’t because they’re insensitive or don’t love you. They probably don’t know what to say and are waiting for you to talk about it first so they have a green light to have that conversation with you.  

If you feel like talking about your feelings, call or text a friend and ask, “Are you free for lunch or coffee, or a video call?” 

Think of it as a gentle nudge for others to know that you’d like some company and would enjoy spending time with friends and family.

During times of sorrow and grief, there’ll be moments when you need to be alone, but there will be many more moments when you need to lean on and enjoy the company of those closest to you. And if you don’t have anyone really close to you, perhaps consider connecting with a faith community. 

Enjoy Time In Nature

Spending time in the sunshine and fresh air can calm the mind and replenish a depleted soul.

Find a bench or take a chair with you and just sit.

Take in the fragrances, notice the sounds, and feel the breeze on your face.

Watch the clouds drift overhead.

Listen to the birds.

Connect with nature and let your mind wander wherever it wishes. 

You might even take a journal and write whatever you think or feel.

Let nature calm your heart and soothe your soul. 

According to research, the sunshine and fresh air relieve stress and reduce anxiety, helping you to feel connected to something bigger. 

The Japanese have been connecting with nature for at least forty years to soothe their soul with a type of therapy they call shinrin-yoku or ‘forest bathing.’

They spend time in a forest, either walking around, sitting, or even lying down on the ground, and soak up all that nature has to offer.

Walking, hiking, sitting, or biking in nature takes your mind off your grief and stimulates the release of feel-good hormones that will boost your mood and well-being. 

Enjoy The Soothing Power Of Journaling

Writing is a cornerstone of self-care. And it can be used to focus your thoughts and gain insight into your feelings whether you’re going through depression, sorrow, or even the happiest of times. 

Some people keep private journals. Others write notes to their friends and loved ones. Some even write notes to their loved ones who’ve passed on as a way to process and voice their grief; this helps them work through their pain and get help with finding closure.

There’s no right or wrong way to journal.

Some people do “stream of conscious” journaling, writing whatever comes to their mind; they don’t judge it because it doesn’t have to make sense; they’ll look at it later to see if there are any patterns or themes to their thoughts to get a clearer perspective.

Don’t be critical of yourself. Be kind and empathetic because the journey you’re on is difficult. So be your own best advocate. 

Enjoy Watching Or Reading Something Funny

Reading gives your mind a break from focusing on loss and grief for a little while. 

Some people read books on coping with grief and recovery. 

Others will choose something a little more lighthearted. According to the research, reading a funny book may alleviate feelings of darkness and sorrow.

If reading a book is a bit too much or you don’t like to read, consider watching something funny. Laughter soothes pain and brightens the mood. 

Enjoy The Support Of A Bereavement Group

Search the Internet for grief support groups in your area; there’ll be many. Connecting socially with people who understand how you feel and what you’re going through can be incredibly powerful. 

You don’t have to talk if you don’t feel like it. Just be there, and listen to people sharing their struggles, feelings, and memories. 

Seeing how they’re coping with their emotions will help you find ways to cope with your own. And knowing that they’re there to support you will be a source of strength when you need it most. 

There are various grief support groups these days, like groups that double as book clubs or bike clubs. 

Give yourself the gift of enjoying a couple of hours each week with people going through what you’re going through but choosing to share the journey together. 

Sorrow is a lonely journey, but you don’t have to take it alone. 

And although life can feel incredibly dark and depressing during the holidays, these are five things you can do to ease the pain. They’re not a magic cure, but there’s no such thing anyway. 

If you’re coping with sorrow and grief this holiday season, please don’t isolate yourself. Give yourself the gift of connecting with friends, loved ones, nature, and faith during this journey of healing and recovery. 

The post 5 Ways To Cope With Holiday Grief And Sadness appeared first on Lifestyle.

Here are a few habits and qualities of genuinely compassionate people. 

They Don’t Take Things Personally

Compassionate people know that life happens, and people make mistakes; sometimes, those mistakes create unfortunate outcomes. Compassionate people aren’t hardened by the “you made your bed now sleep in it” mentality. 

Compassionate people also know that other people’s mistakes can affect their lives, but they choose not to take it personally.  

They don’t internalize the matter, either – they don’t focus on their faults or shortcomings or on how foolish they night feel. They focus on the mistake or problem itself, which allows them to move forward.  

They Move Forward Quickly and Rebound

Genuinely compassionate people show compassion to others and themselves; they don’t make the issue or situation about themselves. 

They don’t overanalyze, worry needlessly, or complain about their problems. They focus on creative solutions and what they can do right now and then move forward accordingly. 

Compassionate people are self-compassionate. They don’t punish themselves emotionally, wallow in self-pity, or engage in sympathy-seeking behavior because they care too much about their lives and happiness.

They Are Solution-Focused 

Compassionate people are resourceful and find solutions to improve people’s lives and situations; they are amazing problem solvers because they can walk in other people’s shoes. This ability has many benefits:

• Compassionate people are deeply empathetic, especially in relationships, making them keen problem solvers. 
• When it comes to business, compassionate people can feel their client’s struggles and pain points, which helps them to serve with empathy and find creative solutions.
• Socially, compassionate people are approachable because they engender confidence and trust; people are drawn to them because they feel safe.  
• Compassionate people can listen in ways that make people feel truly understood and sense deeper issues when something is being held back.  

Compassionate people have a heart for others and what they’re going through because they have a gift for feeling and knowing what they are experiencing. 

Compassion is nothing short of a superpower.

Compassion is magnetic. It’s a beautiful trait that attracts people, which helps compassionate people excel in personal relationships and business. 

Compassionate people are not weak. In fact, they’re among the strongest people on the planet. 

Think about your life. Where are some areas you can be more compassionate to yourself? And where can you start demonstrating more compassion to others? 

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You won’t unlock your best life until you make your life a priority.

What Matters Most

Being an “influencer”, wearing designer clothes and traveling to exotic locations are wonderful experiences but they won’t make you happy or healthy because happiness isn’t something to be found somewhere out there or in another person.

Something else besides chasing relationships, status and possessions that keeps people from unlocking their best life is obsessing over what they’ve lost or don’t have.

Do you want to unlock your best life? Then here’s what you should do:

1.     Decide What Matters Most to You

Find a quiet place for thoughtful reflection; observe the different areas of your life… your health, relationships, finances, career, spirituality, passions and hobbies, etc.

Are there areas of your life demanding more of your time and attention than you should be giving? Sometimes life happens and you don’t have a choice. But have you been neglecting important areas of your life because you’ve been tending to stuff that’s “urgent?”

Are there any areas you’d like to give less time to? Anything you want to make more of a priority? Look, you’ll never be happy ordering your life around other people’s priorities.

It’s your life. Live it.

To have a life that you actually enjoy living requires making these a priority (maybe you can think of others to add to this list).

• Full health in mind, body, and soul
• Relationships
• Finances
• Growth and learning
• Shelter and basic needs
• Purpose, passion, drive
• Faith

At the end of the day, gaining material possessions or achieving success has little to do with what matters most, they might add to your happiness or pleasure in some way, but happiness has deeper roots; we unlock our best self by focusing on what really matters most to us.

2.     What YOU Like / Dislike Matters

Does your life matter to you? Are your likes and dislikes important? They should be because you matter. What you care about and want to do are important – just as important as what anyone else wants. Remind yourself that you’re a person of value and worth. Love yourself. Once you love yourself you can love others in a way that isn’t needy or forces them to make up for your emotional deficiencies.

Being at peace with yourself and actually liking who you are keeps you from seeking external validation, affirmation and approval. You should never have to prove to anyone that you measure up and are worth loving. Why? Because inherently you already measure up and are worth loving whether anyone recognizes it or not or says something to the contrary.

Give yourself some love – be kind, caring and forgiving to yourself.  When you look in the mirror remind yourself of the good qualities of the person looking back at you. Affirm yourself. Be a great friend to yourself. Focus on the good rather than the imperfections!

3.     Savor the Here and Now

Spending too much time in the past or future triggers worry, regret and anxiety. What matters most is right now because it’s the only moment you have the power to change!

Embrace the world that’s happening around you right now. Time is a precious gift to be appreciated. Every minute matters because time = life.

How much have you been savoring life? What are some blessings for which you could be grateful right now if you so chose?

4.     Pursue Passions

What are some passionate interests you’ve been putting off? It could be anything from training for a Spartan race to diving the Great Barrier or volunteering in your community.

Pursuing your passions and creating memories make life worth living. Want to rid your life of stress, busyness and overwhelm? Then bring things back into balance by pursuing your passions! Enjoy. Your. Life!

Embrace new experiences. Have fun. Laugh. Cry. Serve. Pray. Live! What matters most is living a fulfilling life. Pursuing passionate interests makes life worth living.

5.     Make Positive Choices & Habits

Time for a little math: Good choices + good habits = a good life.

Making better choices that enhance a healthy mind, body, and soul, creates a good life.

Create routines and rituals that take care of your life and support your overall well-being. Stay true to your beliefs, standards and values. Be committed to your dreams and what matters most to YOU; tune-out what the media says should matter most.

Be confident in who you are choosing to become because the kind of person you want to become is important.

Your thoughts and how you treat yourself matter because thoughts create choices, choices create habits, habits create character, character creates destiny. So be optimistic and focus on the positive.

Final Words

This post isn’t a substitute for books on how to identify what matters most; it’s just a gentle nudge. To unlock your best life, decide today to start giving more focus and energy to what matters most to you because you are important.

Remind yourself that other people won’t always agree with you on what should matter most for your life; it’s simply not as important to them – it isn’t a priority. Or their interaction with you might be driven by what they think is best for them, not you.

Either way, it’s your life and you only get one. Show yourself some love by being true to yourself and living life on your terms. Focus on what matters most.

Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

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There’s a lot a talk about “self-care” these days. All it means is that you take time to look after your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional wellness. It’s hard to enjoy life if you don’t love yourself enough to care for your needs. 

Many people do a pretty good job taking care of others but struggle with caring for themselves because it takes time, which they don’t feel they have, or makes them feel selfish.  

When was the last time you did something “nice” for yourself, like taking a day off to think about your life and future, or to relax? It’s easy to save our days off and vacation time for family and friends, which is perfectly fine. But, self-care practitioners focus on finding a healthy balance between taking time for themselves and balancing family, work, and community. 

Self-care allows us to be physically and emotionally present for others. 

Struggling with Self-Care?

Burn out, feeling stressed, illness, and poor physical health are signs that you might be struggling with getting enough self-care. If left unaddressed, the toll on your physical and mental health might force you to take time away from work to heal and recharge. 

Do you have a hard time letting others do stuff for you? If so, you might be struggling with self-care. Practice receiving others’ help in certain situations, which allows you to take a break to focus on other things that require your attention. 

Tenets of Self-Care

Practicing proper self-care helps manage feelings of stress and overwhelm so you can live life to the fullest. Self-care also protects and maintains your energy levels. 

Here are five things you can do to start practicing better self-care. 

Say No

You can only do so much. Stretching yourself thin for an extended period of time wears you down and drains your energy, taking a negative toll on your personal and professional life.  

Practicing self-care requires you to establish clear boundaries with people who might care more about their interests than yours. Learning to say “no” is a great starting place.  

Schedule Self-Care

Self-care doesn’t just happen. Schedule time to take care of yourself; let others know your plans, so they don’t put their needs above yours. 

Make Rest A Priority

Your body requires rest to heal and recharge. Sleep, rest, relaxation, and meditation replenish and restore your system.

Rest also keeps your mind sharp, brightening your mood and outlook on life, and improving your social interaction with others. 

Find Time for Physical Activity

Strive to make fitness a part of your day. Look for activities you enjoy, whether it’s going for walks, biking, martial arts, or taking online fitness classes at home. An essential part of self-care is taking the time to keep your body fit. 

Socialize with Others

Social connection is essential to emotional and physical well-being, so make time to enjoy healthy relationships. It’s easy to skip spending time with friends and family when we get busy. Look for ways to nurture those relationships –even if it means you’re the one who takes the initiative to get together.

So, how are things with you in the self-care department? You don’t have to change everything all at once. Focus on an area of your life and start making small adjustments. Not only will you feel better and have a lot less stress, but you’ll be healthier and happier too. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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