Since we can’t eliminate conflict, we should at least know effective ways to deal with it, starting with creating healthy boundaries and balancing our emotions to reduce unnecessary stress and anxiety. 

Here are five steps for handling and reducing conflict for a happier, more peaceful life. 

1. Identify the Source

Where’s the conflict coming from?

You’ll be trapped in an endless cycle of conflict until you identify and deal with the source. 

Conflict resolution 101: You can’t fix a problem until you know what the problem is. 

Sounds simple, right? Then why do so many people evade or avoid their problems? 

Evading or avoiding the problem makes it worse and keeps you stuck in a relentless cycle of conflict, which is no way to live. 

By identifying the root cause of the problem, everyone involved can work to fix it, so it stops happening.

2. Be Brave and Talk

The thing about conflict is that you can’t let it fester. So once you’ve identified the root issue, find a safe, quiet place to talk about it.

(Sometimes, a safe, quiet place might be a counselor’s or therapist’s office.)

Not talking about it makes it worse. The issue will keep growing and growing until it blows up in your face.

Remember that we’re not talking about something as simple as having a difference of opinion that leads to a minor, harmless disagreement. We’re talking about full-blown conflict. 

When you sit down to discuss the matter with the other person, how you communicate makes all the difference. 

How you say something is as important what you say.

Be brave and have the courage to face the issue; deal with it if you want a better life. 

3. Listen to Understand

Active listening is listening to understand the other person, which plays a huge role in conflict resolution. How you listen makes the issue better or much worse.

Be patient. Let the other person speak. And really listen. 

Do not interrupt them – interrupting is a sign of close-mindedness, defensiveness, and disrespect.

Show respect. 

Respect their point of view, opinions, and feelings; let them be heard and make their point. 

Treat them how you want to be treated in the conversation so they will give you the courtesy of listening when it’s your turn.

4. Share Solutions

After each person has shared what’s on their heart, it’s time for compromise and mutually agreed upon solutions. 

It’s okay to list solutions on paper; brainstorm options together.

Write out all your ideas, even the crazy ones, because sometimes they are the ones that trigger thoughts that lead to creative solutions.  

Focus on the solution to make this work; don’t focus on the other person; don’t make it personal. 

Focusing on the problem makes everyone feel safe and lowers defenses, paving the way for people to find solutions instead of being defensive and justifying their actions. 

Criticizing and judging will get you nowhere. 

5. Implement the Best Solution

After rolling up your sleeves and finding common ground, agree on the best solution and implement it.

Finding and implementing solutions is easier if everyone feels heard and considered. 

Each person must set clear and reasonable expectations, which can only happen when you truly listen to and respect each other’s differences and points of view.   

Final Words…

Approach conflict as an opportunity to grow, not something to avoid or a fight to the death. 

Conflict resolution can reveal helpful insights if appropriately managed, strengthening your relationships because you will become more attuned to the needs of those around you.

Once you muster the courage to open the communication lines by facing the conflict, take the time to really listen, and collaborate on solutions, it’s all downhill from there. 

Everyone will feel safe to speak their mind and share their ideas in a genuine effort to move forward in a way that’s healthy and mutually satisfying for everyone involved as they continue unlocking their best lives. 

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It’s easy to avoid dealing with painful and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. We procrastinate by overanalyzing, rethinking, over-thinking, second-guessing, or falling into passive-aggressive behaviors. These are a few common coping mechanisms we use to avoid facing problems that we know we’ll have to face sooner or later. 

Life is exhausting enough without pouring unwanted conflict and turmoil into the mix. So what do we do? Run and hide; avoid. But who wants to spend their whole life running from their problems? It’s too miserable, unhappy, and stressful.

Life should be savored and enjoyed. And for that to happen, we must stop avoiding our problems so a brighter, happier future can be ours – a fearless future filled with love, hope, and purpose. 

Here are some ideas to help us stop avoiding our conflicts and troubles.

Divide and Conquer Your Problems And Make A Plan

Greenberg, the author of the book The Stress-Proof Brain, advises splitting the problem into manageable chunks and taking action on the easiest ones first.

For example, she says that if you’re looking for a new job, divide this large process into “updating your résumé, finding and contacting references, studying the positions you desire, speaking with individuals you know who work in the field, and so on.”

If the relationship with your significant other is in trouble, take time to research therapists in your area, choose one, call and make an appointment, discuss your situation, explore next steps, and start working to improve one or two things. 

Research how other people faced and solved a similar problem. Learn from them. And take charge of the matter by dividing and conquering. You’ll feel less overwhelmed and more in control.

Rely on Your Support System

Is your social network an underappreciated resource? Do you feel alone in your struggle against problems that seem beyond your control? Do you catch yourself wondering if anyone really cares? Are you reluctant to “burden” a close friend with your problems?

If so, take a look at your social network. Surely, at least one person would be glad to serve and support you as you face and overcome your challenge. They would be happy to offer words of encouragement, pray with you, or even help in more tangible, practical ways as time and energy allow. 

You are not alone. You’re loved. And someone cares about you. You just need to give them a chance.

Find them. Enlist their encouragement and support. Don’t suffocate them. And don’t be needy or take advantage of them. Rely on them appropriately. Remember, they’re not your therapist.  

You don’t have to solve life’s problems on your own. Journeying alone creates stress and overwhelm, which tempts you to avoid and run away from your problems.  

If your support system seems thin, get to work making some friends! But don’t go begging for help. Be a friend first by supporting them and serving their needs.  

Hold Yourself Accountable

For example, if you’ve decided to spend less, track how much you spend and what you spend money on; stay within your spending target. 

If you’re trying to eat better by consuming less sugar, track your sugar intake, and stick to your nutrition goal. 

Choose a trusted friend to hold you accountable. Tell them what you’re doing and invite them to ask you regularly how you’re doing. Ask them to be there for you by checking in on your progress. And make sure you take the initiative to update them on your progress so they can celebrate with you.

In Your Heart, You Know That Running Away Is Not A Solution

If you want to stop running away from your problems, then get honest and real with yourself that running away isn’t a solution; it just makes things worse. Much worse. You can face your problem and have a little pain now, or you can stick your head in the sand and have a LOT of pain later. Either way, it’s going to hurt. But you get to choose how much pain you’re going to have. 

No matter how fast you run or where you run to, you will never be able to outrun your problems. Running away from problems is a faulty protection mechanism we use to avoid pain. But running away doesn’t change the fact that the root cause still exists. 

Avoidance solves nothing. 

Facing our problems is the pathway to freedom and a better life. (Often, facing our problems starts by looking in the mirror.)

Like it or not, you must confront the pain to heal the problem. Maybe it’s having that difficult conversation you’ve been putting off or logging a few extra hours in the evening to start your new business instead of watching TV after a hard day.

Problems are warning signs that something needs to change. It might take time, energy, and courage to face them, but you’ll finally have the mental and emotional peace you long for when you solve them. And, as a bonus, you’ll be stronger, more hopeful, and have a brighter future.  

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