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Everyone gets angry. Anger is a natural emotion. Getting mad isn’t the problem; how we manage and express and anger is the issue.

Unless we take charge of anger, it takes charge of us. It becomes all-consuming, making us do things that are unhealthy or unwise.

If anger has started to affect your life negatively, it’s time to take charge of your emotions before you hurt yourself or someone you love.

Here are simple steps for coping with anger to channel that energy positively and constructively that supports your life instead of tearing it apart.

Take Slow, Deep Breaths

Deep breathing calms your nervous system and clears your mind, preventing you from reacting rashly. 

Slow, deep breathing increases blood flow and oxygen to your brain and throughout your body. It switches you from being hot-headed to cool-headed, helping you do the right thing. The more oxygen you get to your brain, the calmer and more rational you’ll be.

As you breathe in, count slowly to five or ten, hold your breath for a count of five or ten, whichever is most comfortable, and then exhale slowly to a count of five or ten.

Doing this for one to two minutes is all it takes to begin calming your mind, body, and emotions. Deep breathing detaches you and creates space between you and the emotion of anger so you can think clearly; it puts you in control.

Acknowledge & Accept

The more you resist an emotion, the stronger it gets. When you acknowledge and accept that you’re angry, you weaken its grip on you; this works for other emotions too.

Be kind to yourself by reminding yourself that it’s okay to be angry, but it isn’t okay to allow it to harm others or cause negative or destructive consequences.

The goal is to identify what’s triggering your anger. Sometimes it’s past issues that you don’t even remember.

Here are some ways to deal with past hurts that continue affecting your life negatively.

• Spend time in thoughtful reflection by journaling your thoughts and feelings
• Seek counseling or therapy
• Join a support group
• Meditate
• Pray
• Find a cause and volunteer

Self-Reflection

To manage anger effectively, spend time in quiet reflection (as mentioned above) to evaluate your life so you can have a new perspective on the matter.

Self-reflection is a way to go deeper and discover what lies beneath instead of focusing on surface-level issues.

Self-reflection helps you deal with the situation in a calm and relaxed spirit and a more objective mindset.

Ask yourself what’s causing you to be angry? If it’s a person, did they intentionally try to harm you? Or was it unintentional?

Being objective about the situation is a great coping mechanism because it keeps you from knee-jerk reactions that you’ll regret later.

You’ll be more understanding and open-minded, learning what you can do to reduce the chances of the situation repeating in the future. Maybe you need to have a conversation with someone or make some changes in your life by getting rid of things that no longer serve or support you.

What Are Your Triggers?

Most of us have people, places, or experiences that make us angry. What are some of yours? Try to become aware of your triggers.

Once you’re aware of your triggers, you can take charge of your life and situations to deal with them proactively. For example, if a particular route on your way to work is always jammed with traffic and it frustrates you, putting you in an already lousy mood before showing up for work, why not spare yourself the anger and frustration by choosing a different route? So what if it takes a little longer.

Enjoy Your Life

Often, people get angry because their patience has worn thin due to having very little emotional margin. They’re always busy doing stuff for other people. Their fuse is short before getting out of bed in the morning because they fell asleep feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

To manage anger effectively, increase your emotional margin by:

1. Remembering to take time to enjoy your life.
2. Pursuing activities and hobbies you enjoy.
3. Living your life, even if it means saying no to something or someone.

Anger is a very intense and disruptive emotion. Enhance your emotional and mental health with creative hobbies like drawing, painting, or playing a musical instrument. You’ll feel less stressed and more content, which means you’ll have less anger.

Remember to give yourself the gift of physical activity, whether biking, strength training, walking, gardening, etc. Increasing blood flood flow and oxygen to your brain and body through physical activity has been shown to boost mood and mental well-being because it releases feel-good hormones.

The next time you’re angry, try to get ahead of your anger by using these tips to take charge of your emotions. You’ll have less stress, improve your life by taking charge of yourself and the situation, and you’ll feel happier and calmer and be more resilient. Only when you take control of your anger, can you begin to unlock your best life. 

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Anger becomes an issue when it gets out of hand and starts controlling you. This can damage your health, relationships, career and cause run-ins with the police.

Recognizing that you might have an anger problem is the first step to recovery.

In this post, we’ll cover the five signs that indicate you might have anger issues. We’ll talk about the differences between healthy and unhealthy anger so you can take charge of your emotions instead of being controlled by your feelings.

Recognizing Anger 

We must become aware of when we are angry and what triggers it. These questions are a great place to start:

• What situations/events/places/people trigger your anger?
• How do you know when you’re angry?
• What do you do when you’re angry – how do you react?
• In what ways does your anger affect those around you?

Healthy Anger

Healthy anger is a catalyst to help or protect someone who is being hurt or treated unfairly. You immediately start thinking of ways to help. Healthy anger can be a powerful force to help someone survive or adapt. Healthy anger has a productive purpose.

Unhealthy Anger

Whereas healthy anger has a positive intention and productive purpose, unhealthy anger hurts instead of helps. But just because you get angry from time to time doesn’t mean you have anger issues; everyone gets angry. It’s not that you get angry. It’s how often do you get angry and what’s the intensity.

These are some ways that unhealthy anger can manifest: 

• Rage
• Coercion
• Resentment
• Manipulation
• Judgment
• Passive aggression
• Verbal or physical abuse
• Bullying

5 Warning Signs of An Anger Issue

Here are five common warning signs that indicate anger management issues.

1. You’re A Magnet for Arguments.

Everyone has arguments. What we’re talking about here is getting into arguments a lot with everyone you encounter, perhaps even strangers—and not backing down because you feel like you have to win. Rarely does this have to do with what you’re arguing about. It has to do with being domineering and controlling.

If you seem like a magnet for arguments, and they get out of control quickly, it might be a sign that you have an anger issue.

2. You’re Passive Aggressive

Passive aggressiveness is tricky because you might be angry and not even realize it. Do you avoid conflict? Are you often sarcastic? Indifferent? If so, you might be passive-aggressive and have an issue with anger and not even realize it.

3. Blame & Resentment

People with anger issues tend to blame other people for their problems. And it’s a sign that they’re not dealing with their problems.

People with anger issues hang on to resentment. They’re bitter and can’t seem to forgive even the small things.

4. People Fear You

If you overreact when feeling angry, people will avoid you because they’re afraid or uncomfortable. People might keep their distance, cross their arms defensively when talking to you, or stay near the door. These are expressions of their fear and anxiety.

5. You’re Concerned about your Angry Behavior

If you’ve reached this stage, you likely realize you have an issue with anger. But the good news is that you realize you have a problem, which is the first step to working through your anger issues and gaining control over your emotions.

A Final Note

Do you have a problem with one or two of these warning signs? If so, you probably have an anger issue. Acknowledging it is the first step to recovery.

Consider getting help. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about anger issues or getting help. Left unaddressed, anger can damage your life, hurt someone you love, or lead to a regrettable accident. Get the help you need to live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

Photo by 傅甬 华 on Unsplash

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Although venting sounds good in theory, psychologists claim it doesn’t make you feel any better but might actually make you feel worse!

Although experts are uncertain why this happens, they do have some theories. First, venting keeps negative events and emotions in your mind for a longer period of time. It’s hard to forget about something when you’re constantly complaining about it.

Secondly, anger is contagious because venting can make the other person feel worse, especially if they’re also affected by the situation. As a result, they might be unable to offer the kind of support you’re looking for.

But Bottling Up Your Anger Isn’t the Answer

While psychologists say that anger dissipates faster when you don’t vent, humans have an innate need to be heard. In fact, research shows that suppressing anger and negative emotions is detrimental to your physical health, and contributes to hypertension and other stress related illnesses.

Internalizing your anger can cause you to become extremely self critical, turning you into your own worst enemy, which can lead to depression and self-harm.

Healthier Ways to Express Your Anger

Most of us tend to vent when our anger is at its peak, which makes it very difficult to think clearly and have a constructive conversation or positive outcome.

A more effective way to handle anger is to take time to process the situation before sharing it with anyone else. Thinking things through and cooling off usually reduces the urge to vent.

Should you decide to vent, try to be brief and solution focused. Keeping your “griping” session brief prevents you from reliving the painful moment all over again.

Also, be honest with yourself about the reasons why you want to vent. Is it because you’re looking for a sympathetic ally or because you’re enlisting their help to find a solution? If it’s for any other reason than the latter, take a little more time to process the situation and cool off.

The most important thing you can do to feel better is this: Focus on what you can do today to make the situation better.

Often times anger comes from feeling vulnerable and helpless, which causes us to over react by blaming, criticizing or complaining.

But taking action puts you in the driver’s seat. After all, you are in charge of your life and how you respond to situations. Taking action will empower you and make you feel better too.

Lastly, avoid rehashing the same issue with different people. If you’ve decided to take action and have identified ways to improve the situation, there’s really no need to keep droning on about it because all that does is keep you stuck in a negative place emotionally. Besides, the old adage, while harsh, is true, nobody likes a complainer.

Venting is disempowering and leaves you feeling much worse in the long run. Another thing to keep in mind is that it’s easy to say something in the heat of the moment that you will regret later on.

So, the next time you’re really angry or frustrated and want to vent, do your best to redirect your energy into thinking things through and focusing on what you can do to make the situation better both now and in the future. In the long run, not only will you truly feel better but you will be much happier too.

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