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Self-monitoring is a kind of self-awareness that develops mental toughness and resilience. 

What is mental toughness?

According to Mental Toughness Inc., “Mental toughness is the ability to resist, manage and overcome doubts, worries, concerns and circumstances that prevent you from succeeding, or excelling at a task or towards an objective or a performance outcome that you set out to achieve.”

Developing mental toughness requires self-monitoring and self-awareness, allowing us to take charge of our lives. 

What is self-monitoring?

According to the NIH.gov, “Self-monitoring refers to the ability to notice our own actions, curiosity to examine the effects of those actions, and willingness to use those observations to improve behavior and thinking in the future. Self-monitoring allows for the early recognition of cognitive biases, technical errors, and emotional reactions and may facilitate self-correction and development of therapeutic relationships.” 

It’s simple: Self-monitoring is paying close attention to your behavior and responding appropriately to what is happening around you.

Self-monitoring can be easy, like when you’re dining at a nice restaurant with linen tablecloths and fine china, you naturally keep your voice down and let your behavior mirror the elegant environment. 

Or it can be on the other end of the spectrum, like when you’re loud and boisterous at an amusement park with your friends! You laugh, scream, and talk loudly. 

In both these examples, you gather information from the environment about what is and isn’t appropriate or acceptable to guide your behavior. 

But self-monitoring isn’t always that easy. For example, let’s say you’re having a heated argument with a coworker. You might feel like yelling at them and unleashing your frustrations, but because of self-monitoring, you reason with yourself and realize that yelling and being rude won’t solve anything and will do more damage than good. So you take a few deep breaths, suck it up, exert control to remain calm, and keep your voice steady, perhaps even having a pleasant expression during the conversation.

When you take charge of your behavior through self-monitoring, you’re demonstrating mental toughness; you’re in charge of your emotions instead of your feelings controlling you. 

It’s tough because you can be in a situation where self-monitoring goes against your natural instincts, but you rely on your mental toughness to respond wisely instead of foolishly. 

Strategies for strengthening the skill of self-monitoring.

1. Practice using your observational skills to be more self-aware. 

Practice being more self-aware by listening and observing your interactions and conversations.

Observe your surroundings and the people around you; gather information to begin self-monitoring your behavior to respond appropriately and in a way that supports your goals and who you are as a person. 

2. Put space between you and the situation to process what’s being said or done. 

Step away. Get out of the thick of things. You want to respond intentionally instead of reacting mindlessly or emotionally in a way that’s inappropriate or makes things worse.

In some emotionally-charged situations, it’s easy to want to react strongly, perhaps even overreact. So practice self-monitoring by stepping away momentarily. Take time to calm down, evaluate the situation, and form a response or plan of action.

3. Observe yourself in various social situations. 

How do you behave in various social settings? Who are you at work, with friends, in meetings, at the gym, or in any other one of a hundred different social settings? How do you act, talk, and behave? And does your behavior support and reflect the kind of person you want to be or should be in those environments?

Know yourself. Observe your attitudes and patterns of behavior. Notice how people respond to you. Evaluate what you can do to improve and be more effective and successful. Practice self-monitoring to unlock your best life through mental toughness. 

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Imagine dreaming, setting, and achieving goals. 

Being independent and practicing personal autonomy is a dream that few people seem to achieve. 

But, personal autonomy is more than just focusing on you and your goals. It’s self-awareness and seeing the big picture, realizing that you’re part of a community with responsibilities, privileges, and freedoms; you don’t just live to serve yourself and satisfy your needs and desires. 

What Is Personal Autonomy?

Encyclopedia.com defines autonomy as “Personal autonomy refers to a person’s sense of self-determination, of being able to make choices regarding the direction of her or his own actions, including the freedom to pursue those choices. With personal autonomy, an individual is able to engage in effective self-regulation—successfully monitoring needs and values; responding adaptively to the environment, and initiating, organizing, and directing actions toward the achievement of needs.”

Personal autonomy is having the power, freedom, and self-determination to follow your heart. It’s giving yourself the gift of self-endorsement instead of living to please others and longing for their approval.

In its simplest form, personal autonomy is taking charge of your life and acting on your interests, core values, and standards.

We have two basic choices: We can keep our vision of a better, happier life before us to keep us on track and live according to our desires and personal beliefs, or conform to someone else’s beliefs.

You can live life on your terms or someone else’s. One is freedom. The other is imprisonment.

But here’s the scary part for some people: Personal autonomy requires you to take full responsibility of your life. It involves taking risks, sacrificing personal comforts now for something better later, and living with a measure of uncertainty, which isn’t easy.

Personal autonomy isn’t wreckless; it’s about making informed decisions and taking full ownership when things go wrong. 

It’s also about managing yourself, controlling your feelings, and taking the initiative to make things happen (without being reminded or prodded) to unlock your best life because you know that no one will do it for you. 

Personal autonomy is taking initiative and using your power to do what it takes to live the life you want and deserve. 

How Personal Autonomy Strengthens Your Independence

Now that we know more about personal autonomy and what it is let’s look at ways it can help boost your independence.

Taking Initiative

Having personal autonomy means taking the initiative to manage your happiness and try new things; you don’t rely on someone or something else to be happy. You live your life and invest in your happiness. 

You can start small, like trying a new restaurant or coffee shop you’ve been eyeing for a few weeks. Then, little by little, you can take more initiative and try bigger things. Maybe you get a head start on the presentation you’ve been putting off to avoid being stressed by the dreaded deadline. 

You could also show initiative at work by taking on more responsibilities instead of doing as little as possible to get by; ask your boss if there are any projects you can help them with. 

In your personal life, you can take the initiative to tackle that DIY project you’ve been thinking about, or by volunteering a few hours a week for a worthy cause. 

Getting Organized

Being organized doesn’t just mean decluttering and tidying things up. That’s a great start, but personal autonomy and independence go further. 

Becoming independent means learning how to organize and manage your time and money (fortunately, there are a gazillion apps to make it easier). 

Regarding organizing your time and structuring your day, list all that you do during a typical workday. And be sure to include any chores, errands, appointments, or events during that time. Next, move on to what you do in a typical week and month, noting how long it takes you to do each task.

An independent person structures their time and maps out their day, prioritizing what’s most important so they can remove or postpone certain tasks if things get hectic.

Taking Responsibility

People talk a lot about taking ownership and being responsible, but what does it mean?

Basically, responsibility is knowing what you have to do, getting it done on time, and taking credit for your hard work. You’re reliable, fulfill your commitments, and keep your word no matter what; no excuses.

Being responsible means holding yourself accountable when things go “wrong” instead of making excuses or blaming others. Admit when you’re wrong or failed to meet a deadline; learn from the situation to improve next time.

Personal autonomy and independence go hand in hand. Some people are happy with the bare minimum and letting life happen to them. They don’t have any dreams or plans. They “wish” things were better, but that’s where it ends.

Independent people design their lives; they don’t drift. They use their freedom of choice and personal power to live on their terms and unlock their best life. 

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They’re ambitious; driven. And will work nights and weekends – even holidays – to achieve their goals, while others are okay with dreaming and drifting, accepting whatever life hands them, and hoping for the best along the way. 

Why are some people ferociously determined and others laid back and easy-going?

The good news is that no one is born naturally ambitious; it isn’t a gift. 

Anyone can learn to be ambitious. All it takes is patience, time, consistency, and hard work.

Here are five characteristics of determined and ambitious people. 

They Are Optimistic and Avoid Negativity

Ambitious people make obstacles and challenges serve their dreams and goals by making something good come from them. 

They condition themselves to be positive and stay balanced by not allowing their emotions to control their thoughts and actions.

When encountering problems, they relax, take a breath, and manage their outlook for a clearer and more hopeful perspective. 

They avoid pessimistic thinking and negative self-talk, which create self-doubt and indecision— enemies of ambition that paralyze one into inaction. 

Negative emotions and a pessimistic outlook make it hard to harness your full potential and unlock your best life because you’re afraid of messing up and failing or feeling you don’t measure up.

Ambitious, successful people know that their true competitor is themselves. 

So, they focus on their goals and strive to be better than they were yesterday or last week. 

They Prioritize Personal Growth

Ambitious, motivated people understand the value of personal growth; they never settle and constantly strive to improve their lives. 

They invest in classes, courses, books, coaches, mentors, and seminars. 

One of the best things a person can do to improve their life is to get quality sleep every night. Sleep improves mood and emotions and strengthens the frontal lobe – the command center for making decisions.

Eating well and getting enough physical activity several times a week are two more things one can do to improve their life. 

Here’s the point: ambitious, successful people make themselves a priority by investing in their lives. As a result, others start seeing them as a priority too. 

They Associate with Like-Minded People

Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” 

If you want to be more ambitious, surround yourself with ambitious people going somewhere with their lives.

You don’t have to replace all your friends. But you might need to add some people to your social circle; a rising tide lift all boats.

To become more ambitious, you must have people in your life with a positive, success-oriented mindset who encourage and challenge you to improve constantly.

You’re looking for people who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. 

Look for people who match your ethics and values; you don’t want to surround yourself with people who believe the end justifies the means.

Try to network with successful people in various fields, not just your own, for a richer perspective and new habits and ways of thinking.

They Set Clear, Well-Defined Goals

Anyone can set goals. That’s not a challenge. But unless you do it the correct way, all you have is a list of wishes and dreams. 

Ambitious people have become good at breaking down their goals into smaller, manageable tasks that are easier to achieve consistently. 

They have a vision for why they want what they want that ignites self-confidence and drives them even when the going gets tough, and they don’t feel like it.

They give themselves daily targets to hit and weekly or bi-weekly milestones to reach.

To start being more ambitious, some people take a calendar and write one task they want to get done every day for the next 30 days. It doesn’t have to be something major, just something to motivate them to do it and get on to the next day, helping them learn the habit of being ambitious as they accomplish a goal for the month. 

They’re not Afraid to Take Risks

Coaches always talk about stepping outside of one’s comfort zone or taking uncomfortable action. 

But being ambitious doesn’t mean you have to throw caution to the wind; taking risks doesn’t have to be so scary and daunting.

You don’t have to enroll in the next mountain-climbing class to cross Mt. Everest off your bucket list or swim with the Great Whites off the coast of South Africa unless that’s where your ambition lies.

But to become more motivated and ambitious, you must be willing to make mistakes. 

You must be okay with failing and using it as a learning experience that leads you to something better; see what pans out and what doesn’t. And then move on to your next big “risk.”

Nothing about what we just talked about is easy. It takes time, patience, grit, and resiliency. Becoming more ambitious requires a deeper level of commitment to yourself; it’ll take more than you’ve ever given before, but you’re worth investing in. And you’ll become wiser, stronger, more fulfilled, and more motivated to continue unlocking your best life. 

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When making big decisions, sometimes you think you have everything figured out and know what to do. Easy. 

But there are times when knowing what to do can be a real struggle because there’s no coming back from certain decisions.

So, next time you’re at a crossroads wondering what to do, here are some tips to make navigating that big decision feel a little safer and easier.

Be Gracious with Yourself

Change can be hard sometimes, no matter how decisive you are, even when you know it’s for the best. 

Even when you know things must change, there’s something comforting about clinging to the status quo. 

Some people choose to stay in a toxic situation because the fear of the unknown is more uncomfortable than the pain they face daily in the situation they wish would change. 

So, please be gracious to yourself when you feel timid or reluctant to make that big decision; change is hard.

There are no guarantees in life. 

All you can do is take charge of your life by making the best decision you can with the cards you’ve been dealt to create a brighter future.

Make a decision and move forward, making course corrections along the way. Change is scary. But you know what’s even scarier? Regret.

And remember, not all decisions will feel good at first, so give it some time; allow the decision to take root. Give yourself time to get used to it and, as they say, “bloom where you’re planted.”

Honor Your Why

To give yourself peace of mind and heart, remind yourself why you’re making such a big decision, and remind yourself often.

It’s easy to tremble with self-doubt after making a life-changing decision, asking yourself, “What have I done?”

During those moments, make a list of the reasons why making this decision is so important to you.

Honor your why, for it’s your compass leading you to a better place and keeping you on the right path as you journey through the unknown.

Maintain Routines

Maintaining routines can reduce stress and anxiety when going through major changes.

Routine(s) can be a source of certainty and stability – something to rely on when navigating uncharted waters. 

Choose a routine that grounds you. Maybe it’s a special morning routine that includes exercise and solitude before you rush out into the busy world. Or perhaps you create an evening routine to unwind and soothe your soul before bedtime. 

Routines will give you a sense of security and control as you adjust and adapt to life-changing decisions. 

Keep A Journal

Your journal is for you. It’s your private reflection on your personal experiences. Plus, it can be therapeutic.

Trying to process complex emotions in your head can make you feel all bottled up. There’s something soothing to the soul about putting pen to paper and writing about what you’re going through. In the future, you can look back and see how brave you were and how far you’ve come. 

Write without judgment or condemnation; your thoughts and emotions are for your eyes only. 

With time, you’ll see how much you’ve grown and that what once made you feel anxious and afraid no longer has a hold on you. You’ll see how resourceful you are and will face your next challenge with more grace and courage. 

Final Thoughts

Whether you feel excited or apprehensive about a significant change coming your way, remember that you’re not the only person dealing with that kind of situation; others are going through the same thing and emerging victorious and successful. If they can do it, so can you.

So, when facing big decisions, think about why you must make a change and then make a plan; it doesn’t have to be perfect. And be gracious to yourself and honor your why. As you take action and move forward, you’ll see in the end that many of life’s big decisions weren’t as scary as you feared they’d be and will have led you to an even more amazing and happier life in the end. 

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Everyone makes mistakes. But only a fool keeps repeating the same ones. 

It’s not that we make mistakes that matters but what we do about them.

Mistakes can either break us or build us; block our progress or advance it.

What kind of life do you want in the New Year, more of the same or something better? 

If you want something better, lose the ego and use mistakes as constructive feedback for a better life. Better yet, learn from the mistakes of others to minimize pain and accelerate success.  

We gain knowledge, wisdom, and experience through mistakes and become more capable of navigating our path. 

Here are six tips for harnessing the power of your mistakes to help unlock your best life in 2023. 

Don’t Blame…Own Your Mistakes

Until you admit you made a mistake, you will repeat it until you finally learn from it, which some people never do because they’re more afraid of appearing wrong or disappointing people. 

A mistake holds you in its grip until you admit you made it. So take your power back by acknowledging it and use it as a stepping stone to greater success and fulfillment.

You’re a student of life who’s growing and discovering.

Don’t blame, make excuses, or justify. 

And don’t worry about what other people think or their disapproval, or being criticized or judged, which they’ll do anyway, if not over this, then over something else. 

Live your life!

By admitting you made a mistake, you’re holding yourself accountable. And you will have peace of mind, greater self-respect, and your peers’ respect.

Shift Your Outlook

Thomas Edison shifted his perspective to viewing mistakes and failures as necessary stepping stones to success. 

For him, mistakes were lessons, and he kept using that feedback to adjust course until he finally got to where he wanted to go. 

That’s the mindset of successful people. 

Some mistakes are simple errors; others are life-altering (not necessarily the “good” way). Either way, for better or for worse, there’s always something valuable to learn. 

Ask, “What’s Next?” 

Once you’ve admitted the mistake and know why it happened and how to avoid repeating it, it’s time to move on and ask, “What’s next? How can I make something good come out of this?” 

You made a mistake. There’s no changing it. 

Use it to make your life better in some way; don’t waste it. 

Stop Dwelling on It

Although you should admit your mistake, dwelling on the past gets you nowhere, so handle it and move on.

Staying stuck in the past and overthinking things fills you with self-doubt, and kills confidence and self-esteem, making you even more anxious and mistake-prone. 

Take charge of your mind and mental focus. Don’t let your negative self-talk gain momentum. 

Be kind and empathetic to yourself just like you would for a dear friend. No good comes from beating yourself up. 

Make peace with your mistakes. 

Remind yourself that life goes on.

For a brighter, better future, learn from your past so you don’t repeat the mistake . 

Create Your Plan of Action

Next, make a plan of action of what you’ll do differently to make things better moving forward starting today.

After analyzing the data and making your plan of action, put your plan into motion. An imperfect plan that hobbles forward is better than a perfect plan standing still going no where. 

Create a vivid mental image of what you will and won’t do from this day forward based on what you’ve learned from the mistake. 

If you have to get new skills and resources, get them; stack the odds in your favor. Have the will to act as you take steps to unlock your best life.

Make Some New Mistakes

If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not growing. 

But try not to make mistakes that ruin your life. 

People who are afraid of making mistakes usually live life too small, miss opportunities, and make even more mistakes than if they lived with passion, purpose, and power because they’re too cautious and always second-guessing themselves.

Make the most of your mistakes and then make some more! Keep experimenting and learning. Let your life be a bold and daring adventure! Embrace that outlook to minimize the toll your mistakes take on your mental and emotional health. 

Be Solution-Focused

The next time you make a mistake, be solution-focused instead of dwelling on the past and beating yourself up. 

Don’t ever let a mistake keep you from living your life or pursuing your dreams. 

Take ownership of your actions AND embrace an optimistic outlook.

Try to focus more on making something good come from your past and creating new opportunities instead of on what you’ve lost. Use these tips to work through your mistakes for a better life now and a brighter future in 2023 and beyond. 

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

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Have we lost a meaningful appreciation for the true spirit of thankfulness and gratitude? And what do they really mean anyway, aren’t they the same thing?

Emotion And Attitude

Gratitude comes from the Latin word gratus, which means “thankful, pleasing.”

Thankfulness is an emotional response. It’s easy to feel thankful for happy news, a desired gift, or an answer to prayer. Thankfulness can be a feeling that fades with time because it’s based on temporary situations and circumstances.

Gratitude, on the other hand, is a value – a standard; it’s a way of life. “Where thankfulness is an emotion, gratitude is an attitude of appreciation under any circumstance. Gratitude involves being thankful, but it is more than that. Gratitude means expressing thankfulness and being appreciative of life daily even when nothing exciting happens.”

So much about life boils down to the power of choice, beginning with what we choose to focus on, but, as importantly, what we choose not to focus on. Willie Nelson said his life turned around the day he started counting his blessings.

Living With A Gratitude Attitude Is A Choice

Choosing not to focus on life’s inconveniences, being slighted or treated unfairly, or on our loss, pain, and regret doesn’t make them magically go away. But focusing on our blessings makes us a bit more appreciative and life a little less gloomy and a little more joyful.

Focusing on our losses, failings, and problems is a choice; it’s an attitude – a mindset orientation that fills our lives with restriction, stress, and misery, but a gratitude attitude ignites hope, making life a blessing to ourselves and others.

Search For Your Blessing

We always have a choice: We can focus on the darkness or the silver lining that’s embedded within the darkness.

We can let whatever is happening to us ruin our day, week, month, or year. Or we can take a deep, grounding breath and find the blessing buried in the burden.

But here’s something even better than that: create a blessing from the dark valley or heavy, perhaps even soul-crushing burden.

Who says you have to search for a blessing? Isn’t that assuming one is there? Why leave something so important to chance?

Create Your Blessing

Why not choose to create a blessing instead?

Gratitude isn’t just an attitude that chooses to count blessings instead of burdens.

Gratitude is an attitude that chooses to create blessings.

Gratitude is living with vision – seeing what’s right with life instead of what’s wrong with it.

Gratitude is miraculous. It’s not just thanking God for what He’s done but thanking Him in advance for what He’s about to do.

When you use gratitude to make the most and the best of every situation, you create happiness for yourself and free yourself to live your joy, even when tears are streaming down your cheeks.

That, my friend, is a special kind of superpower, and you become a hero for yourself and the world around you.

Consider this inspirational insight on gratitude from Melody Beattie:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

“Gratitude makes things right.

“Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude’s power. We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

“Say thank you, until you mean it. If you say it long enough, you will believe it.”

Or, as the Apostle Paul said, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7, NASB.)

Happy Thanksgiving, today, tomorrow, and always.

The post To Be Thankful, Or, To Be Grateful? appeared first on Lifestyle.

Imagine how life would be if we were more patient, gracious, understanding, and kind, and much less critical and judgmental because we’re in this together; everybody deals with pain and hurt.

The world would be much brighter if we showed more compassion and empathy instead of blurting out hostilities whenever feeling irritated or offended.

It could all start with greeting passersby with a pleasant smile to encourage them and brighten their day. 

By the way, smiling and looking for the silver lining is one of the best ways to rise above difficult times. Here are five more: 

Play The Long Game

Bad “times” seem to last forever! It doesn’t help that the news, and society as a whole, tend to focus on everything that’s going wrong.

They make the future look gloomy, menacing, and hopeless. Why? Because they want your attention.

They’re not worth listening to; tune them out, and persevere patiently because better days are on the way!

Bad times never last, even though they seem to stretch on forever! Remind yourself that this, too, shall pass.

Play the long game and have faith in yourself. 

Remember Your Strengths

No one is perfectly balanced or well-rounded; we all have strengths and weaknesses. It’s so tempting to focus on our shortcomings and flaws when struggling through difficult times. 

But all that does is disempower you, making you feel helpless and at the mercy of your circumstances and incapable of rising above your problems. 

Focus on your strengths to deal with self-doubt! And stop comparing yourself to others while you’re at it.

Reclaim your power and confidence; stop giving it away.

Honor Your Progress

One of the ways to make it through difficult times is to measure how far you’ve come! Maybe you’re not where you want to be but guess what? You’re not where you were either! You’re making progress.

At the very least, you’re wiser from everything you’ve learned. You have more experience and are more resourceful! 

You’re better, stronger, and more insightful.

By honoring your progress and celebrating your journey, you break free from a sense of learned helplessness to motivate yourself to take inspired action toward your dreams and goals.

Count Your Blessings NOT Your Burdens 

Everyone has dark days and goes through difficult times. But gratitude makes those moments less gloomy.

It’s easy to focus on our problems, pain, and loss, but it’s hard to feel depressed and grateful simultaneously. When going through difficult times, count your blessings, not your burdens. You might have a few problems, but not everything about your life is terrible; there are some good things – some bright spots! Choose to focus on those. Be grateful for the things that are going well in your life.

If you’re going through difficult times in one or two areas of your life, look at the areas where things are going well! Maybe you’re having relationship problems, but your career is solid, and it’s putting food on the table and a roof over your head.

Maybe things aren’t going so great at work, but you have good health and even greater friends who love and support you. 

And what about life’s simple pleasures that we fail to appreciate? Like a beautiful sunrise, flowers, smiles, relaxing walks in the evening air, or your favorite dessert. 

When you change your perspective to be grateful, things don’t seem as bad. 

Grow from Your Experiences & Setbacks

How you define what’s happening to you makes all the difference. You can believe yourself to be a failure who’s made a mess of everything, or you can learn and grow from your “mistakes.”

A wise person gives thoughtful contemplation to their life so they can grow and improve. 

Use mistakes as feedback to make course adjustments. Trial and error is a part of life. 

Learning that you’re going in the wrong direction isn’t the problem. Choosing to keep going in the wrong direction is the issue.

Evaluate your life – your beliefs, actions, feelings, and choices – to figure out why certain things are happening to you so you can learn and do something about it. With time, you’ll be able to turn your life around. 

Everybody goes through dark valleys, but you have a lot to do with how long it takes before you see the light again and reach the other side.

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